Sunday, February 4, 2007

Post Game Analysis

So since there's going to be plenty of analysis of the game itself, I'll just focus on some of the other aspects of the Super Bowl.

Let's start with the pregame festivities. The "Built Ford Tough" pregame show consisted of what is best described as the shittiest Summer Olympic Games opening ceremony ever. Gloria Estefan kicked it off by making another "Miami=Caliente" reference (first off, Gloria Estefan's cultural importance is being vastly overestimated by someone at the Super Bowl preshow planning committee; she's never been big, and even if she ever was, it was twenty-five motherfucking years ago. Surly there's someone who can represent the city of Miami better than her. And also, I'm incredibly sick and tired of anything even remotely associated with being Latin being referred to as "hot", or "caliente" as it were. Many Latin things are in fact quite "frio" or "insignificante", putas!). Conga drums begin to be beaten loudly and a lame marching band appears.

And then the fucking circus begins.

Yes, the one from Quebec.

Tonight, Cirque De Soleil officially joined American Idol and Fox News as the third part of my Axis Of Evil. These things poison and harm our society to almost incomprehensible levels. I don't see why anyone who is alive finds that shit amusing. Seriously.

After that glob of horseshit was over Billy Joel sang the national anthem quite quickly (which is how the fucking song is meant to be sung, there's no need to stretch every note out to five minutes) and people cheered. At this point, I would like to touch upon how awful the production value is on any CBS game. The sound was awful; muffled and toneless. The cameras constantly had condensation on the lenses (I mean, they knew it was going to rain the whole time; couldn't they send an intern out to buy some Rain-X? That shit works, yo.) and the commentators are by far the lamest on TV. But I digress, on to the half time show.

I was pretty disappointed. Don't get me wrong, Prince has written some pretty bad-ass songs in his day. He just chose not to play a single one of them at the halftime show. What was that?! A bunch of covers? "All Along The Watchtower"? "Proud Mary"? A fucking Foo Fighters song? What happened to Prince? I mean, I know what happened; he found God and renounced what made him cool in the first place -songs about fucking- which he was great at writing. Yeah, he can play guitar, we get it. So can Yngwie Malmsteen but you don't see his bloated carcass being brought out for any halftime shows. Well, perhaps at half time of a pee-wee hockey game in Sweden or Denmark or where ever the hell he was from.

So yeah, at least the game was entertaining for the first half. Then Rexy had to go and fuck it up. Way to choke dude. Now we all have to hear about the legacy of Peyton Manning for the rest of our lives and how he rose above and overcame and blah blah blah. . . . . .I'm sick of it already.

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