Monday, February 11, 2008

Exhibit "A"

So we have new upstairs neighbors.

My reconnaissance abilities have determined that it's two college-age white males. Their interests include yelling for no apparent reason, stomping their feet while walking and playing Rock Band at high volume for several hours.

All of these became apparent mere minutes after they moved in.

The latter really became apparent when an ailing Adrienne and I were violently woken up from our NyQuil-induced slumbers by the sounds of Weezer's "Say It Ain't So" at 1 o'clock in the AM, complete with strained, atonal, gang vocals provided by our new archenemies.

That unequivocal infraction prompted the first unleashing of thee ol' hickory stick which I banged vigourously on the ceiling so that they might discriminately discern our deep displeasure with their dastardly deeds (can I get a "whoot-whoot" for that alliteration?).

And this is on the first day of residence. So much for first impressions.

Today, as the sacrilegious sonic transgressions extended to songs such as "Blitzkrieg Bop", "Wanted Dead or Alive", and "Sabotage", the only thoughts that crossed my head were how I could procure myself a pistol equipped with a silencer so that I could regain the peace I once knew a few short days ago.

A few, carefully placed bullets to their center mass and head would do the job just fine. Nobody would miss them. It would take weeks before anyone would even know. The world would be a better place.The words "bro", "brocifer", and "brocifus" would be heard a little less frequently.

The future would be a brighter vision of hope.

All right, I better stop; this has already proven incriminating enough. I've shown copious amounts of intent and I don't need those extra years added to my forthcoming, imminent double murder sentence.

Maybe I'll find some peace in solitary confinement.

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