Thursday, April 3, 2008

It's Already Been Broughten, Literally...

Don’t ask me how I know this¹, but the Family Channel loves The Cutting Edge and the Bring It On movie franchises way too much for comfort.

Every weekend it’s a marathon of one or the other. They usually spread them out over Friday, Saturday and Sunday night so that we can presumably plan a whole weekend around these gems.

Who knew they even made a second Cutting Edge movie, let alone a third?! And there’s like four(!) Bring It On movies. The first one was entertaining in a harmless, teen movie kind of way, but it certainly didn’t merit three sequels, especially when they don’t even feature Kirsten Dunst’s charming snaggletooth.

And while we’re on the subject, I think the phrase "bring it on" should be retired for good. I hear it daily and people who say it are seldom taken up on the offer. As a matter of fact, the next person that says "bring it on" to me is gonna get clothes-lined on the spot, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Now, if you’ll allow me to go all George Carlin on you, here’s some other words and/or phrases that should go extinct:

Diva - I blame VH1 for springing this term into the open for every self-involved, egotistical, conceited cunt to describe herself when they started airing their VH1 Divas concerts ten years ago. The concerts were bad enough, but VH1 gave an epithet to a group of people that really didn’t need any more sense of entitlement.

Genius - This word gets thrown around way too much, usually by people who don’t know any better, especially when it involves some form of art. Just because you’ve never heard anyone take acid before and fart into a microphone with some reverb and delay and call it music doesn’t make the members of the Animal Collective² artistic geniuses, it just makes you sound like an asshole.

Literally - "You literally froze to death while walking to your car this morning?!", I literally wish that were true.

"I know, right?" - It’s the U.S. version of n’est pas? and if more Americans realized that, they would certainly stop saying it.

Fierce - I hated this word until I saw this SNL skit and now maybe it’s growing back on me. No, I take that back, it’s still quite unpalatable and disagreeable. Thanks, Tyra Banks.

Bro - Unless it is being used in reference to one’s actual brother, it is inexcusable and punishable by liberal use of taser. Some frat boys have become aware of this and have promptly switched to kid, which is even more degrading. I say, do away with both and call it a day.

"_______ rocks!" - My friend James already covered this one quite extensively on his blog (btw, I hope he has it set on public view otherwise the link won’t work) so I won’t even get into it.

That’s it for now.

You can thank the Family Channel for this rant.

¹All right, Adrienne makes me watch Gilmore Girls reruns on the Family Channel all the time. That Lorelai Gilmore is kind of hot but she really needs to shut the hell up every once in a while. The dialogue on that show gives me a headache.

²I really don’t mean to rag on the Animal Collective all the time, but it’s just so easy...

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