No More Mr. Douche Guy

The Food Network has spawned a multitude of odious personalities over the years. Rachael Ray's irksome spunk. Bobby Flay's pompous arrogance. Even Giada De Laurentiis' bountiful breasts managed to get tiresome after a while. But their latest addition takes the proverbial cake:

That's right. Guy Fieri.

This dude has no redeeming values whatsoever. He can't cook, has no palate, and seems to be reduced to eating BBQ and hamburgers all over the country as if that has cultural relevance. What's worst is that he was chosen to be the Next Food Network Star by winning a popular vote on the show (another reason people shouldn't be trusted to vote, as stated in my previous blog).

His sense of style is perhaps his most questionable trait. He's always wearing some sort of bowler shirt, cargo shorts, sandals, an armband and the kind of dragon/skull-inspired jewelry they only sell to misguided goths at Hot Topic. He has spiky bleached hair and a sculpted goatee and always has a pair of sunglasses resting backwards on the back of his fat head.

Dreadful. Truly dreadful.

If you see him on the street or at your local burger joint, please kick him in the nuts for me.