Monday, April 21, 2008

No More Mr. Douche Guy

The Food Network has spawned a multitude of odious personalities over the years. Rachael Ray's irksome spunk. Bobby Flay's pompous arrogance. Even Giada De Laurentiis' bountiful breasts managed to get tiresome after a while. But their latest addition takes the proverbial cake:


That's right. Guy Fieri.

This dude has no redeeming values whatsoever. He can't cook, has no palate, and seems to be reduced to eating BBQ and hamburgers all over the country as if that has cultural relevance. What's worst is that he was chosen to be the Next Food Network Star by winning a popular vote on the show (another reason people shouldn't be trusted to vote, as stated in my previous blog).

His sense of style is perhaps his most questionable trait. He's always wearing some sort of bowler shirt, cargo shorts, sandals, an armband and the kind of dragon/skull-inspired jewelry they only sell to misguided goths at Hot Topic. He has spiky bleached hair and a sculpted goatee and always has a pair of sunglasses resting backwards on the back of his fat head.

Dreadful. Truly dreadful.

If you see him on the street or at your local burger joint, please kick him in the nuts for me.

7 comments:

  1. Guy Fieri has been around for a long, long time...long enough that you should've posted a ranting blog about him before now. I'm disappointed in you. I'll cut you some slack considering he's been much more visible since his deal with Friday's. Next time a disgraceful Food Network star surfaces, I want you on the story ASAP.

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  2. Sometimes I prefer to let my hatred simmer for a few years before making it public. I'll try to be more timely with my displeasures from now on.

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  3. Have you met Mr. Fieri? Have you eaten at one of his restaurants? I have. He's the real deal, a genuine dude. He might not be into your fashion style, and his cooking may not be your idea of fine cuisine, but is that reason to hate someone? It's usually the loud mouth critics like yourself that are actually the most jealous.

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  4. Guy Fi-edrtr-ri is just symptomatic of the total lack of credibility that the Food Network has these days, so in that respect he fits right in. Is the fact that he's shilling Friday's not enough evidence that this man has no taste, shame, or anything worthwhile to contribute to our sorry excuse for a civilization? His head will be one of the first on a pike when the revolution comes.

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  5. Guy Fieri must die!

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  6. dave is a douche just like gay fairy.

    -tutta

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  7. You should all die!!! Even guy

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