Monday, May 11, 2009

Eight Things To Do On The Internet (That Aren't Porn)

1. Tiltshift Your Photograph - With the TiltShift Maker you can selectively blur a photograph to simulate a narrow depth of field, making the image appear to be a miniature model. It's a quick cheat to acchieve a rather complex photographic technique involving special lenses. Works best with landscape shots and looks great when time-lapsed on video. It won't make your ass look miniature though, so don't even bother.

2. Bling Out A Picture - There's nothing classier than adding some sparkly bling to a portrait. It's also the best way to show how you feel about someone. Like, say, a funny looking actor, for example. Check out Blingee to make your own. Bonus points if you can make that "making it rain" thing make sense in the context of the picture. 

3. Make A Creepy PhotoFace - This one is guaranteed to creep you out. So much so, that I won't even post it here. Just go check out what I was able to do with my face. Yikes. You should create your own at PhotoFace and send me a copy at lucaeandi(at)gmail(dot)com. It probably won't creep me out more than seeing your regular face, but give it your best shot.

4. Make A Lolcat - So what if cats happen to speak broken English? This just makes their characteristically human observations even more hi-larious. Make your own lolcat at I Can Haz Cheezburger? It better involve Dr. Tinycat, or I ain't looking at it. 

5. Watch YouTube Videos In A New Way - Watching YouTube videos is fun and all, but watching them on drugs is probably not likely to blow your mind, even in full screen. They're just too linear, you know? Well, YooouuuTuuube comes to the rescue. Just enter the URL of your favorite video, get baked and prepare to be taken to a dream world of magic. This one in particular has already taken the web by storm and is likely to make you reevaluate your intake of hallucinogenics. 

6. Play A QWERTY Drum Machine - Use your computer keyboard for something more than just typing your crappy semi-autobiographical novel; make some hot beats with it instead! It's a fun little collection of samples that, if coupled with some audio editing software, could be used as a base for your breakthrough single. Well, probably not, but I bet if you asked him, Lil Wayne would spit a hot 16 on the remix. Put that in your book.  

7. Have A Surreal Conversation With Elizabot - ELIZAbot is a conversation program that mocks a Rogerian psychotherapist. It basically centers around what you say to it and asks general questions based on your replies. Starting with "Please tell me your problem", the conversation can quickly spiral into hilariously surreal territory. I like trying to answer only with questions, like it's a skit off of Whose Line Is It Anyway? and see where it goes. It seems to help me cope when I'm very, very lonely. 

8. Play The Hardest Riddle On The Internet - This one is the ultimate time waster, but a clever one at that. NotPron is an online riddle, puzzle and scavanger hunt all in one. It's pretty ingenius, innovative, and very challenging at times. If you can't make it out of the first few levels, it's probably not for you, but otherwise, enjoy the journey it takes you on. And if you get stuck, there's plenty of online resources to help you cheat. You know, if you don't mind being a filthy cheater and making the baby Jesus cry. 

Now back to work!

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