Friday, February 17, 2012

Some Suggestions For The Virginia GOP On How To Really Stick It To Women Who Dare To Choose

If I may offer up a few suggestions to the Virginia GOP in regard to a recent piece of legislation passed in their House, here's some additional unpleasant/intrusive requirements they might want to force women to endure if they should choose to terminate a pregnancy:
  • Undergo a colonoscopy
  • Build an Ikea entertainment center in less than 15 minutes 
  • Iron a ruffled dress shirt
  • Receive a Brazilian wax
  • Adjust the ignition timing on a 1984 Pontiac Fiero
  • Successfully delete all their own personal profile data from Facebook
  • Sit through a timeshare sales presentation
  • Complete a 1099 tax form
  • Get their teeth scraped clean
  • Move across country (although this might be increasingly preferable to living in VA)
  • Schedule and fulfill an accurate installation time with a Comcast technician
  • Balance their checkbook
  • Calibrate a vintage analog 2-inch tape deck
  • Tolerate routine underarm Botox injections
  • Complete a triathlon 
  • Transfer contacts between two cell phones of differing carriers
  • Bake perfectly-risen souffles on a moving railcar
  • Perform a polar bear plunge
  • Undergo a double mastectomy
  • Stick the landing on a triple axel
But no matter what, Virginia GOP, please continue to do your worst impeding women from exercising conscientious personal decisions, because as a society, we just can't let that slide.

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