BAZOOKALUCA

Is The Wagon Wheel Motel Mentioned In Morphine's "Thursday" in Salinas, CA?

2012-02-02T04:24:00.000-05:00

Right on the heels of Ice Cube's "Good Day" being identified (or was it?), I happened to discover what could very well be the Wagon Wheel Motel mentioned in the Morphine song "Thursday" during a drive through the Northern side of Salinas, CA (specifically, here.)

In case you haven't heard it, here's the (wonderful) song in question:

Morphine - "Thursday" Cure For Pain (1993)

We used to meet every Thursday Thursday
Thursday in the afternoon
For a couple of beers and a game of pool
We used to go to a motel a motel
A motel across the street
And the name of the motel was the Wagon Wheel

Could this run-down, flea-infested hole in the wall be the famed motel Mark Sandman sings about in his debaucherous tale of infidelity? If so, the first clue would be if there was a pool hall across the street.

I looked across the busy road and saw this:

While it is unlikely that a place called Golden China Restaurant would be where one goes for a couple of beers, a game of pool, and to meet a loose married woman, I gave a peek inside anyway. Alas, no pool tables to speak of. It made sense, after all, Sandman probably would have mentioned Moo Goo Gai Pan in the song if that had been the case, because, well, why wouldn't you?

Granted, this doesn't mean that the building couldn't have housed a seedy pool hall sometime in its history before it was transformed into a dubiously authentic Szechuan joint, but it was already late in the day, and a trip to the Salinas Historical Building Society was out of the question.

Of course, once I returned home and dug a little deeper, I realized that although "Thursday" was semi-autobiographical and Mark Sandman did travel extensively, he almost certainly wrote the song while in rural Colorado, making it unlikely to be set in Salinas, more than 1,000 miles away.

So, really, all I got from this is just a couple of crappy pictures of a crappy motel and a crappy Chinese restaurant in a crappy part of town.

But I got out of the house and listened to Morphine, so all in all... I guess it was a good day.
__________________________________

Cure For The Pain: The Mark Sandman Story is currently making the festival rounds. I hope it gets some sort of distribution because I'd love to see it soon.

Frightened Corgi Sums Up America's Feelings Toward Rick Perry

2012-01-27T16:13:00.003-05:00

"IS HE GONE YET? WHY WON'T HE LEAVE US ALONE!"

The Best of 2011 Megalist: Music, Film, Television, Web and More

2012-01-05T17:45:00.001-05:00

**NOTE**

The items within the following lists are not ranked in order of importance or artistic value. Instead, they are listed randomly, or in some cases, as recalled by memory.

While the difference between good art and mediocre drivel is easily discernible, it is the author's opinion that ranking actual art is a random, arbitrary, and highly unscientific process, therefore inappropriate for these purposes. Hopefully, the absence of numbered lists will not frighten or cause excessive discomfort so as to keep the reader from enjoying this post to the fullest.

Additionally, the reader is encouraged to post any omissions, additions, or grave misjudgments on the author's part in the comment section.

Best ALBUMS

Fucked Up - David Comes To Life
[Matador]

The most ambitious thing a band can do in 2011 is make a big, vibrant, hard rock album. Making it a rock opera borders on ludicrous. However, Fucked Up not only succeeded at both, they also transcended the limitations normally associated with those tropes.

Low - C'mon
[Sub Pop]

An accomplished band makes an album that sums up the reasons they were accomplished all along. C'mon is at once precious without ever appearing cute, alluring despite the ever-present menacing sense of doom, and epic while pretenseless.

PJ Harvey - Let England Shake
[Universal Island]

Harvey brings gravitas to an already heavy subject: War. Her sober accounts are presented with simplicity and directness making the listening experience even more poignant, and ultimately, deeply arresting—like a war documentary showing only the aftermath.

The Men - Leave Home
[Sacred Bones]

The title is a Ramones reference (tribute? swipe?) and The Men certainly share that fellow NY band's disrespect for silence and nuance. Noise rock albums like this are rarities as of late which makes me stand up and take notice even faster.

Tom Waits - Bad As Me
[Anti]

Calling this a Waits' "pop record" is slightly misrepresenting Bad As Me, but it's not far off considering the songs are tighter, shorter and more focused than recent releases. Still, no one will mistake these incandescent brawlers and rousing bawlers for "pop" any time soon.

St. Vincent - Strange Mercy
[4AD]

What ultimately drew me to Strange Mercy is texture, and how Annie Clark looks at songs as opportunities to make new sounds. And considering her songs stand up unadorned on their own, the added flare makes for an invigorating experience.

Shabazz Palaces - Black Up
[Sub Pop]

"Experimental/abstract/avant" are all qualifiers I've seen attached to Palaceer Lazero's brand of hip-hop, and they all apply while also sell him short. There's some focused shit going on this record, and it reveals itself a little more with each rewarding listen.

Girls - Father, Son, Holy Ghost
[True Panther Sounds]

If Elliott Smith had grown up with more Deep Purple and Pink Floyd and less of The Beatles, he might have made an album like this, but maybe I'm saying that because Christopher Owens voice is eerily reminiscent of Smith's breathy whisper. Not at all a complaint.

Feist - Metals
[Cherrytree/Interscope]

It's hard to pinpoint the exact reason why I enjoy listening to this album so much. Best I can figure is that Leslie Feist's ability to sing like she's sitting next to you is enhanced by her propensity to make songs that swell up big enough to fill stadiums.

Danger Mouse and Daniele Luppi - Rome
[Capitol]

Conceptually, this album hit all the right notes with me before I even heard it. A tribute to Ennio Morricone using most of his original players, adding Danger Mouse, Jack White, and Norah Jones to the mix, and I'm to the moon. A great mood-setter.

Lykke Li - Wounded Rhymes
[LL Recordings]

A dark record lyrically, Wounded Rhymes presents itself openly in its title. While it dabbles in electro-pop and even doo-wop at times, Likke Li's deadpan delivery of devastating lines of heartbreak are punches that ultimately leave you emotionally pummeled.

Radiohead - The King Of Limbs
[Ticker Tape Ltd.]

It was speculated after the digital release of TKOL that there would be an additional disc on the physical set because some were underwhelmed with it. I was not. A genuinely understated Radiohead record is still better than ten-thousand fake Kid A impressions.

Kanye West and Jay-Z - Watch The Throne
[Def Jam/Roc-A-Fella/Roc Nation]
Whatever small gripes come up while listening to Watch The Throne are easily dismissed by how fun it is to hear these two interact. This is as close as I get to enjoying celebrity culture. I imagine it stimulates the same synapses as someone who cares about the Kardashians.

Great ALBUMS That MISSED THE CUT

Kurt Vile - Smoke Rings For My Halo
Beirut - The Rip Tide
Bill Callahan - Apocalypse
Tune Yards - W H O K I L L
The Roots - undun
Lyonnais - Want For Wish For Nowhere
Atlas Sound - Parallax
Cass McCombs - Wit's End
Wilco - The Whole Love
Beastie Boys - Hot Sauce Committee Pt.2
Ty Segall - Goodbye Bread
Battles - Gloss Drop
The Decemberists - The King Is Dead
The Mountain Goats - All Eternals Deck
Stephen Malkmus And The Jicks - Mirror Traffic
G Side - The One...Cohesive
Thee Oh Sees - Carrion Crawler/ The Dream
Wild Flag - Wild Flag
The Black Keys - El Camino
My Morning Jacket - Circuital

Good ALBUMS But NOT UP TO PAR (Try harder next time, please)

Bright Eyes - The People's Key
The Antlers - Burst Apart
Mogwai - Hardcore Will Never Die, But You Will
Fleet Foxes - Helplessness Blues
Mastodon - The Hunter
Death Cab For Cutie - Codes And Keys
Okkervil River - I Am Very Far
The Rapture - In The Grace Of Your Love
Ryan Adams - Ashes And Fire
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Hysterical
TV On The Radio - Nine Types Of Light

Album That Still CONFOUNDS ME And Of Which I HAVE NO OPINION

Destroyer - Kaputt

It's either great, just okay, or maybe even terrible. I JUST DON'T KNOW.

Worst ALBUM That A Lot Of People Think Is The Best ALBUM For Some Goddamned Reason That Is Beyond Me

Bon Iver - Bon Iver

Seriously, it's not good. It's boring. It's artless. It's lazy. If you liked it, either your conceit is causing you to delude yourself or you need to wake up and grow a set of opinions that aren't paid for by publicists.

Most OVERHYPED Albums (hype > quality)

Cults - Cults
Toro y Moi - Underneath The Pine
Panda Bear - Tomboy
Frank Ocean - Nostalgia, Ultra
Washed Out - Within And Without
Bon Iver - Bon Iver
Tyler, The Creator - Goblin

Best REISSUES

Grandaddy - The Sophtware Slump
Sebadoh - Bakesale
Archers of Loaf - Icky Meddle
Can - Tago Mago
Faith - Subject To Change Plus First Demo
Ride - Nowhere
Talk Talk - Laughing Stock
Nirvana - Nevermind
Art of Noise - Who's Afraid of Art of Noise
Mercury Rev - Deserter's Songs
The Beach Boys - The SMiLE Sessions
The Smashing Pumpkins - Gish/ Siamese Dream
Throbbing Gristle - The Second Annual Report/ D.O.A. The Third and Final Report/ 20 Jazz Funk Greats/ Heathen Earth
Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds - Let Love In/ The Boatman's Call/ Murder Ballads/ No More Shall We Part

Best SOUNDTRACKS

Drive - Cliff Martinez/Various Artists
Attack The Block - Basement Jaxx
Young Adult - Various Artists
Bellflower - Jonathan Keevil/Various Artists
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo - Trent Reznor/Atticus Ross

Best LIVE ALBUMS

Pearl Jam - PJ20
Pearl Jam - Live On Ten Legs
Twilight Singers - Live In New York
The Decembertists - Long Live The King EP
Deerhunter - iTunes Live from Soho
Miles Davis - Live In Europe 1967: The Bootleg Series, Vol.1

Best COMEDY ALBUMS

Marc Maron - This Has To Be Funny
Louis CK - Hilarious
Patton Oswalt - Finest Hour
Doug Benson - Potty Mouth
Rory Scovel - Dilation
Wyatt Cenac - Comedy Person
Jen Kirkman - Hail To The Freaks
Tig Notaro - Good One
Eddie Peppitone - A Great Stillness
Beards Of Comedy - Cardio Mix

Best ALBUM COVER

Mastodon - The Hunter

If the music inside matched that awesome cover, they'd have made the Best Albums list for sure.

Most PUZZLING ALBUM COVER

The Strokes - Angles

Seriously, where have I seen that font before? It drove me crazy throughout the year, and I still don't know. It's the lettering and the placement. Christ, help me figure it out, please. I've lost more sleep over this than over anything else in my life.

Worst ALBUM COVERS

Worst ALBUM COVER Made Even Worse By The Worst PERSON On It

Chris Brown - F.A.M.E.

You might have fooled Saturday Night Live, The Today Show, and most of America's terrible people, but I haven't forgiven you, Chris Brown. You're still trash to me. Watch it.

Best SONGS

I made you a playlist. Just go to my Spotify account and look it up. Too lazy? Fine, here you go, here's the link. That's pretty much all the songs I liked, except for all the ones that aren't on Spotify. Those you'll have to ask me about in person, LIKE THEY DID BACK IN THE BRONZE AGE.

SONGS I Hope I NEVER HEAR AGAIN

This list is getting harder to compile since I'm never really exposed to anything I don't want to listen to. However, these songs somehow managed to infiltrate my cocoon. May they cease to exist and spare us all another listen.

"Party Rock Anthem" - LMFAO
"Not Over You" - Gavin DeGraw (mostly because of the ads on Spotify)
"Beth/Rest" - Bon Iver
"Gucci Gucci" - Kreayshawn

SONG I Could Hear EVERY DAY For Another YEAR

Tom Waits - "New Year's Eve"

Call me a sentimental fool, but there is nothing not to love about this one.

BIG SONGS I Only Know By TITLE And May Have NEVER ACTUALLY HEARD

"Rolling In The Deep" - Adele
"Pumped Up Kicks" - Foster The People
"Moves Like Jagger" - Maroon 5
AND whatever-the-fuck song Cage The Elephant sings.

I honestly couldn't hum you the chorus from any of these. This is neither a source of pride or shame for me.

Guilty PLEASURES

I seriously can't think of any this year. I told you this would happen. I'm finally guilt-free.

Best CASE For The SUBSIDIZATION Of Attractive People So That They May Spare Us Resorting To MUSIC For A CAREER

Lana Del Rey

Usually when someone has this many photo shoots under her belt and no album out, E! is heavily involved in their "brand" marketing.

Best FILMS I Actually Saw

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
Young Adult
Beginners
Bridesmaids
Pearl Jam Twenty
The Trip
Senna
Super 8
Hesher
Our Idiot Brother
Louis CK Live At The Beacon Theater
Black Swan (a late 2010 film, but saw it in early 2011)

FILMS I Wanted To See And DID NOT But By All Accounts SHOULD BE GOOD

Melancholia
Drive
The Skin I Live In
The Tree Of Life
Super
Descendants
Attack The Block
Submarine
Source Code
Take Shelter
Hugo
Another Earth

The One FILM I Saw At A DRIVE-IN This Year

Captain America: The First Avenger

Whodathunkit? I guess it could've been worse. I could've seen Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son and I might have been tempted to drive into the screen kamikaze-style.

FILM I Wanted To Like But DIDN'T Quite HOLD UP

Red State

Michael Parks is great in it, but the movie falls apart in the final act as it tries to be something Kevin Smith doesn't have the chops to pull off as a writer/director. But hats off to him for trying.

Best TV SHOWS

Breaking Bad [AMC]
Game Of Thrones [HBO]
Community [NBC]
Louie [FX]
Parks & Recreation [NBC]
Childrens Hospital [Cartoon Network]
30 Rock [NBC]
Boardwalk Empire [HBO]
Portlandia [IFC]

Best TV SHOW Of Which I Only Saw ONE EPISODE

Homeland [Showtime]

Most DISAPPOINTING TV SHOW Of Which I Somehow Still Watch EVERY EPISODE And Will Continue To Watch No Matter HOW BAD IT GETS

The Walking Dead [AMC]

This show makes me feel like a battered spouse, but I'll keep coming back no matter how many times I have to tell people that I fell down some stairs because IT'S A SHOW INVOLVING ZOMBIES ON TELEVISION AND I NEED THAT TO BE A THING.

Best HOUR of TV I Have EVER SEEN

Breaking Bad's Season 4 finale, "Face Off" was everything that is right with television, film-making, storytelling, and life in general. It was so good that when it ended I started watching it again. And then I watched it a third time. I've probably seen it ten times. In fact, I'd be watching it right now if I didn't have to finish this stupid list.

Most TOUCHING Televised PROFESSION OF LOVE That Also Includes A POLIO ANALOGY

Louie [FOX] - "Subway/Pamela"

You could pick a slew of scenes from Louie that are worthy of high praise, but this one really stuck out to me. It's everything that makes up Louis CK's comedy: honesty, vulnerability, gaucherie, and too-farcical-not-to-be-unspeakably-real sorrow.

Best CONCEPTUAL EPISODE

Community [NBC] - "Remedial Chaos Theory"

Constantly trying to one-up itself, Community tackled an alternate time-line episode and they really hit it out of the park. We better appreciate Community before NBC finally realizes that shows this fun, this clever, and this unconventional have no place on their network.

Best SHOW To Witness Horse Decapitations, Eye Stabbings, Molten Gold Showers, Assorted Gore And Violence, But Also Boobs And A Badass Dwarf

Q. How awesome is Game Of Thrones?

A. The most.

The EXACT MOMENT In Time I Knew Zooey Deschanel Had Turned FROM CUTE TO ANNOYING

The New Girl [FOX]

SHE SINGS HER OWN THEME SONG? SERIOUSLY? Dreadful.

TV SHOWS To Which I Was LATE TO THE PARTY (They Were New To Me)

Battlestar Galactica [SyFy]
Sons Of Anarchy [FX]

Holy frak, how did I sleep on BSG for all these years? It's frakking amazing. And SOA is as ridiculously mockable as it is highly watchable. Also, I'm pretty sure if you take a drink every time you hear someone say "SAMCRO" you'll probably die of alcohol poisoning.

Biggest ABSENCE From TV

Mad Men [AMC]
A whole year and a half without my favorite prime time soap opera is too long. The stench of cigarettes, booze, and infidelity is starting to fade from my flat screen and that's a really bad thing.

ACTUAL Biggest ABSENCE From TV

Christina Hendricks' boobs.

And although they've been gone from television for far too long, they're omnipresent in my heart.

Please come back soon, Joanie.

Best PODCASTS

I can't stress enough how Podcasts have become my favorite medium for entertainment in the past couple of years. These are some favorites, which are never to be missed.

The Pod F. Tompkast [iTunes]
WTF With Marc Maron [iTunes]
Comedy Bang Bang [iTunes]
Superego [iTunes]
The Bugle [iTunes]
The Best Show On WFMU [iTunes]
The BS Report [iTunes]
Doug Loves Movies [iTunes]
The Nerdist [iTunes]
Who Charted? [iTunes]
StarTalk Radio [iTunes]
Analyze Phish [iTunes]
SModcast [iTunes]
Thrilling Adventure Hour [iTunes]
Mike And Tom Eat Snacks [iTunes]

(*ahem* The BAZOOKALUCA Podcast [iTunes] ain't too bad either...)

Funniest PEOPLE To FOLLOW On TWITTER

These people make me giggle like a silly Twitter baby daily.

Rob Delaney - @robdelaney
Andy Borowitz - @BorowitzReport
Steven Weber - @TheStevenWeber
Paul F. Tompkins - @PFTompkins
Doug Benson - @DougBenson
Megan Amram - @meganamram
Andy Richter - @Andy_Richter
Scott Aukerman - @ScottAukerman
Eddie Pepitone - @eddiepepitone
Patton Oswalt - @pattonoswalt
Shalewa Sharpe - @silkyjumbo
Jenny Johnson - @JennyJohnsonHi5
Blaine Capatch - @blainecapatch
Steve Agee - @steveagee
Reggie Watts - @reggiewatts
John Roderick - @johnroderick
Tom Scharpling - @scharpling
Kelly Oxford - @kellyoxford
Kristen Schaal - @kristenschaaled
Kyle Kinane - @kylekinane
James Urbaniak - @JamesUrbaniak
Dana Gould - @DanaJGould
Ted Leo - @tedleo
Todd Barry - @toddbarry
Morgan Murphy - @morgan_murphy
Sarah Silverman - @SarahKSilverman
Marc Maron - @marcmaron
Eugene Mirman - @EugeneMirman

(*double ahem* it couldn't hurt to follow @bazookaluca either...)

Favorite BAZOOKALUCA POSTS

"Musings On Boardwalk Empire" (January 10th)
"Bad Time For Bonzo: A Ronald Reagan Memorial On His 100th" (February 6th)
"Exclusive Interview With Native Stables" (April 1st)
"Revisiting The Crow Soundtrack" (April 26th)
"Stradivarius Violins Pizzicato At My Heartstrings" (July 11th)
"A Word On Spoiler Alerts" (September 27th)
"I Drove Through Limbo And It Was In California" (November 23rd)

Best/Worst MEMES

Best/Dumbest ANIMATED GIFS

Best OUTDATED MASH-UP

We really messed up by not making this connection in 2009. Was the internet really that much slower back then?

Most RELEVANT And TIMELESS QUESTION

Celebrity GIRLFRIENDS

Kelly Oxford
Some would argue her celebrity status, but I don't have doubts. If you're on Twitter, chances are pretty good that you follow @kellyoxford and she makes you laugh at least once a day. It's merely a bonus that she happens to look like a fashion model (but, mind you, a key bonus.)

Grace Park
Having just seen Battlestar Galactica for the first time this year, I'm behind on the Grace Park appreciation train, but that's quite alright because I don't mind catching her on the downswing as long as I get to catch her at all. She played a frakking toaster, but I'm willing to overlook that as long as they keep cranking out Number 8's like this.

Gillian Jacobs
Gillian's Community cast-mate Alison Brie was a celebrity girlfriend last year, and I'm still quite fond of her, but lately my eye has been wandering toward Britta. My crush only grew stronger after her appearances on the Don Cheadle/Captain Planet FoD video and Comedy Bang Bang where she got to flex some impressive comedic muscles.

Kate Upton
I don't really know anything about the lovely Kate Upton, but this farm pictorial from Complex had a profound impact on my choice to shift my preference towards rural living. Of course I just learned that she's dating some football player, so that might be the death knell for this crush, but it was good while it lasted.

Most OVERUSED WORDS

Dubstep Kreayshawn Siri Cray Santorum Occupy Jobs Pippa Staycation Winning Bak'tun Defecit 1% Iowa Jimmer Friday Newt Skrillex 99% Rapture Skyrim Tebow Swag Cloud Wall Street Carmageddon Hacktivist Arab Spring Timeline Spotify Gosling + Refudiate Fukushima Pinterest Irene Bunga Bunga Planking Tumblr

Phrase I Couldn't GET ENOUGH OF

"Norwegian Butter Crisis"

Year-End LIST That SHOULD PROBABLY END NOW

This one.

Haven't had enough?

See Also: 2004, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010

Thanks for reading. As always, you're the best.

I Drove Through Limbo, And It Was In California

2011-11-23T22:33:00.001-05:00

SR 198 during daylight hours, presumably

I drove through limbo on my way to my new home in Monterey, California.

And by limbo, I don't mean a construction zone held up by bureaucratic red tape, I mean THE EDGE OF HELL. You know... infinite inky blackness. A dark desolate void.

The stretch of road in question is California State Route 198 (SR 198), between the towns of Coalinga and San Lucas. It's a curvy and sloping drive just North of the Cholame Hills, not far from SR 41/46 where James Dean famously crashed his Porsche 550 Spyder and lost his life on a Fall day in 1955.

I found myself on SR 198 at approximately 9PM on a moonless night. At first, I thought nothing of the darkness and the isolation. But after a quarter hour of not seeing a single car and the darkness seemingly swallowing me deeper and deeper with every passing second, I started to freak out a bit. That's when I got my phone out and for the next hour or so, I documented my journey into the heart of darkness.

The following is that document, offered to you unedited and undoctored. Abandon all hope, ye who push play here:

Vedder To Appear On Portlandia, Fulfill My Visions

2011-11-09T15:29:00.000-05:00

This still from the upcoming second season of Portlandia is a snapshot of what has transpired in my musical brain for a large portion of my life.

*cheers*

[Pitchfork]

Follow BAZOOKALUCA On Spotify

2011-10-31T01:00:00.002-04:00

If you enjoy the music portion of this blog or podcast, then perhaps you should follow BAZOOKALUCA on Spotify.

You can get a sneak peek at my favorite songs of 2011, revisit past years' best of lists as well as enjoy numerous themed playlists and mixes that might enhance your otherwise dull life.

Check back often because I'm updating all the time.

Also, thanks.

Also also, I'm sorry if you live in a country that doesn't offer Spotify yet.

Living In The Material World

2011-10-25T01:04:00.000-04:00

Predictably, the Martin Scorsese-helmed George Harrison doc for HBO is great. I stayed up until 4:30am watching it the other night. Harrison did, after all, write my favorite Beatles song.

See it.

Hybrid Nightmare

2011-10-16T16:50:00.000-04:00

The people responsible for this Toyota Prius commercial are disturbed individuals.

Haven't seen it, but I'm pretty sure The Human Centipede ain't got nothing on this.

ONLY REDEEMING FACTOR: Using The Kinks' "Got To Be Free".

The Face Of Vengeance

2011-10-14T15:58:00.000-04:00

[via Videogum]

The BAZOOKALUCA PODCAST: Episode 11

2011-10-10T01:37:00.000-04:00

On the eleventh episode, Luca talks to Crystal about nostalgia and debuts the segment "Yeah, I Said It (Now Move On, Already)" tackling Astrology.

Please rate and review on iTunes. Thanks for listening!

A (Widow's) Peak Into The Future

2011-09-29T13:07:00.000-04:00

Ian MacKaye & Henry Rollins, 2010

I'd feel worse about my receding hairline if I didn't know that 20 years from now I'll be able to say that I'm rocking a "MacKaye". I can live with that.

PREVIOUSLY: Two Scoops Of Punk

A Word On Spoiler Alerts

2011-09-27T11:43:00.000-04:00

A plot twist is great fun. It's one the few times in life we actually enjoy being wrong. A twist forces reevaluation of the narrative—it is the apogee of plot development, the spice of storytelling. However, there is one glaring drawback—twists rely entirely on not being revealed prematurely, or "spoiled."

At this point, I don't even know why I'm explaining the "spoiler" concept to you. You're reading this on the internet, so you're likely to have been exposed to several SPOILER ALERTS just on the way to this site. Spoilers probably pertaining to something that's patiently awaiting to be watched on your DVR. Even though, who are you kidding? You'll never get around to watching The Killing, especially when you still haven't watched a second of Rubicon. DVR space comes at a premium, so just move on, for chrissakes—if you cared at all, you would have watched it by now.

But let's please get off you for just a goddamn second.

My point is, the SPOILER ALERT phrase has become so prevalent that it seems damn-near inescapable while referencing film, television, or literature. It's even used comedically (albeit, cheaply) in all facets of everyday conversation. Like when your dad's all, "Your mom and I had a great time in Colonial Williamsburg last weekend. Sorry you didn't get to go, but, SPOILER ALERT: you'll probably have to share a bunk-bed with a shrieking baby brother or sister nine months from now, you little prick."

WOW, your dad's an ASSHOLE! Did he have to say it like that? What a terrible way to convey what is otherwise good news. And how is he so sure to have impregnated your mom? At her age? Please. Frankly, I don't see how she stomachs the prick. But she's probably a prick too, come to think of it. And that little brother or sister on the way? Likely a prick by birthright. Which, in turn, makes you a prick as well. Tough break. At least now we both know what I mean by these pricks using SPOILER ALERT in the wrong context.

But can we please stop talking about you for just one goddamn minute?

What I'm trying to say is that it's time to rein that shit in—very few situations actually require loose disclaimers. And more specifically, very few stories are completely reliant on twists for effect. So, in turn, the phrase should be used sparingly.

The thing is, some people are so spoiler-sensitive that divulging even the most minuscule of plot points sends these pricks into epileptic shock, further diluting the phrase, and suddenly increasing the number of situations for which it requires use in the first place.

And look, it's about time for these people on the receiving end of spoilers to calm the fuck down. Yes, it's disappointing to be told a key plot element before getting there by yourself, but Christ, it's not about the payoff all the time—it's about the journey. On top of that, recent studies have revealed that for most people, knowing the end of a story prematurely doesn't hinder the overall enjoyment of the experience. As a matter of fact, the contrary is true, it actually enhances the enjoyment. How's that for some shit?

So, please, by all means, refrain from divulging the Shyamalanian twist at the end of last weekend's sleeper box-office hit, but give it just that, a few days. After that, it's fair game to say whatever the fuck you please about anything to anyone. And if you're one of these pricks who inadvertently hears about said ending after those initial days, don't act like your whole prick-life is ruined; they're most likely doing you a favor.

There are of course, exceptions. Say you meet some young person who's never even heard of The Crying Game. In this situation, you should probably keep the ending to yourself and encourage that person to watch it with you. This is because, at least once in life, you deserve to watch someone else experience an unexpected prick-twist.

Ironically, an unexpected prick-twist also might have kept your little brother or sister from being born into your prick family, but for the last time, can we stop talking about you for just a small goddamn fraction of time?

Actually, just watch the video below and free yourself from the chains of spoilertude, you'll be better off for it:

The Many Looks Of David Bowie

2011-09-26T11:53:00.001-04:00

[via... The Internet]

Alternate Universe Movie Posters

2011-09-20T15:17:00.004-04:00

These alternate universe movie posters by artist John Hartter are really good. I'd especially like to see Mario Bava's The Batman of Gotham City starring Christopher Walken and David Bowie with a Morricone soundtrack. Click on the pics to get a closer look.

[The Art of John Hartter]

Steven Spielpster

2011-09-11T18:01:00.001-04:00

[via ThisIsNotPorn]

The BAZOOKALUCA PODCAST: Episode 10

2011-09-09T03:31:00.003-04:00

On the tenth episode, Luca explains to Riley why he's disinterested in the NFL and then performs a "Stunt Critique" of the Jay-Z/Kanye West collaboration album, Watch The Throne.

Please rate and review on iTunes. Thanks for listening!

Grade Inflation Infographic

2011-08-19T12:33:00.000-04:00

Created by: Masters Degree

GOP Presidential Candidate Field Is 100% Norquist Tools

2011-08-12T16:16:00.001-04:00

The most telling moment from last night's GOP debate in Ames, Iowa:

“I’m going to ask a question to everyone here on the stage. Say you had a deal, a real spending cuts deal, 10-to-1, as Byron said, spending cuts to tax increases…. Who on this stage would walk away from that deal? Can you raise your hand if you feel so strongly about not raising taxes, you’d walk away on the 10-to-1 deal?”

As Daily Kos points out, "A 10-to-1 deal would mean a deal with 91% spending cuts and 9% tax hikes. That's not a compromise, that's a huge victory for supply-side fundamentalism. Only a true right-wing lunatic would reject that kind of a deal."

Yet, every single one of these tools raises a hand.

Hands guided by Grover Norquist and the ridiculous Taxpayer Protection Pledge that he makes every Republican (and a few Democrats) sign promising that under no circumstance they ever support any and all tax increases.

As long as voters continue to elect candidates whose driving force is to "drag [the government] into the bathroom and drown it in the tub" (as Norquist himself quipped,) America might just meet that fate.

Elliott Smith "Figure 8" Mural Restored On His Birthday

2011-08-10T16:36:00.001-04:00

On August 6th, on what would have been Elliott Smith's 42nd birthday, an artist took to restoring the iconic Silver Lake mural which appears on the cover of Elliott's 2000 album Figure 8.

The mural has become a popular place for fans to leave memorial tributes and messages to the deceased artist. It's also seen its share of general vandalism and tagging over time, so a restoration was needed. A previous restoration took place in 1998, but it did not include a stencil of Elliott himself.

Here's the wall before:

And here, after:

Elliott Smith - "In The Lost And Found (Honky Bach)"

No Commentary Needed: Cat Voltron

2011-08-01T15:14:00.000-04:00

The Debt Chart

2011-07-29T16:23:00.001-04:00

Reality check:

[New York Times]

The BAZOOKALUCA PODCAST: Episode 9

2011-07-28T02:14:00.003-04:00

On the ninth episode Luca talks to Brittany Shiver about Grace's Goodness and explains emphatically why Steve Buscemi is the best.

Visit Grace's Goodness on: Facebook, Twitter, Wordpress, but most importantly, donate to the Kickstarter page before August 4th at 11:59PM EDT!

Also, you can listen, rate and review the podcast on iTunes. Thanks for listening!

To Die For Some Ideas

2011-07-22T16:38:00.001-04:00

I don't know of any English versions of "Mourir Pour Des Idées," but I desperately want someone to try their hand at this cover.

French singer-songwriter/poet Georges Brassens wrote the song as a response to absolutists who impose that others should die for their ideas—the refrain basically says, "Let's die for some ideas, agreed, but of a slow death", premising that ideas are worth dying for, but only of old age. Brassens calls for "Oh you firebrands, oh you righteous apostles" to "be the first to die, we'll stand aside for you."

Fabrizio De Andrè sang my favorite version, naturally in Italian. He made a few edits in the verses, injecting some of his own poetic phrasing and dry wit, with slightly more forceful language than Brassens.

There's a few translations floating around the internet of "Mourir Pour Des Idées," but they really don't do the song any justice, so if you happen to understand French and/or Italian, please enjoy:

Georges Brassens - "Mourir Pour Des Idées"

Fabrizio De Andrè - "Morire Per Delle Idee"

Additionally, I found a nice animated video accompanying Georges' version by Tigre De Papier on Vimeo.

Through The Looking-Glass

2011-07-20T12:48:00.001-04:00

You've been warned: the Bean traps curmudgeons. So cheer up.

Stradivarius Violins Pizzicato At My Heartstrings

2011-07-11T16:04:00.000-04:00

The "Lady Blunt" Stradivarius Violin recently sold at auction for $15.9M, the highest price paid for a Stradivari violin ever, nearly quadrupling the previous record.

Why so much, you ask?

The auction house put together this short informative video:

Being that I'm an instrument fetishist, talking about this sort of thing is the fast track to getting my britches all messy, but I suspect my appreciation of Antonio Stradivari goes even deeper than simple luthier lust.

I'm Italian, and, historically speaking, the pursuit of perfection in life's pleasures is our M.O. (in comparison to, say, the Azerbaijani, or those dreadful bores, the Swiss.) Whether it be food, film, craft, art, love, or music—if it brings pleasure to the senses, it's worth spending lifetimes obsessing over. This doesn't always work out for the best, mind you. Sometimes you get Nutella, or the Ferrari GTO 250, and other times, well, you're stuck with Berlusconi.

But I digress.

Stradivari chased perfection from the start of his apprenticeship under master Nicolò Amati on through the construction of over 1,000 instruments that bore the Stradivarius label—he made it his life's work. Centuries later, no one has matched that work. As someone who usually remains immune to the follies of patriotism, this type of thing becomes the glaring exception. A contribution as such to humankind makes me truly proud to be Stradivari's compatriot.

Getting back to simple luthier lust for a moment, here's renowned Israeli violinist Ivry Gitlis gushing unabashedly about the perfection of his Strad:

Also, if you get off on stuff like this, you should watch The Red Violin, a nice film inspired (if only for the appearance of the titular object) by the Red Mendelssohn Stradivarius.

Never Forget

2011-06-29T16:58:00.000-04:00

The BAZOOKALUCA PODCAST: Episode 8

2011-06-24T00:30:00.002-04:00

On the eighth episode, Luca spins some new releases, takes a few phone calls on a new segment, Agony Uncle, and Adrienne delivers her third "Random Act of Hatred" directed at horses.

Please rate and review on iTunes. Thanks for listening!

Sophia Loren Outcooled You Before You Were Even Born

2011-06-13T17:16:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure if I've ever been more attracted to Sophia Loren.

["Famous People Hanging Out With Their Vinyl" on Dangerous Minds]

Björk As A Little Girl Is Exactly As You Imagined

2011-06-13T16:36:00.000-04:00

Yup.

[This Is Not Porn]

Breaking Bad Season Four Poster Gets A Lot More Half-Life

2011-06-09T13:31:00.002-04:00

Upon seeing the above poster, the words "Gordon Freeman" instantly came to mind. Never thought about it until now, but Bryan Cranston would make for a pretty badass theoretical physicist with a crowbar and a gravity gun. He's already playing a badass chemist, so you know he's got the chops. But who's gonna play Alyx Vance? 2009 BAZOOKALUCA Celebrity Girlfriend Rashida Jones, maybe? Mmmm, yesss.

For reference:

ALSO: If you're not watching Breaking Bad, dude, do yourself a favor and catch up before Season Four starts. One of the top three shows on television right now.

The BAZOOKALUCA PODCAST: Episode 7

2011-05-28T11:45:00.000-04:00

On the seventh episode, Luca talks Bridesmaids with Adrienne, and performs a "Stunt Critique" of the Beastie Boys' new album Hot Sauce Committe Part 2.

Please rate and review on iTunes. Thanks for listening!

US Too Dependent On Foreign Olive Oil

2011-05-19T15:21:00.000-04:00

Matt Yglesias half-jokingly suggests that the US should produce more olive oil to offset its large share of global consumption. As a heavy-handed olive oil user and native Italian, I couldn't agree more. Olive oil is "liquid gold," as Homer (the Greek, not the Springfieldian) once praised it, and seriously makes up about a third of my diet.

So, as a way to offset my costs for the imported stuff, I implore you, bring on more local olive oils!

Press, baby, press!

Arnold Schwarzenegger Quote Revision

2011-05-17T15:55:00.000-04:00

As tweeted. Had to illustrate it...

For reference:

European Metal Vs American Metal

2011-05-16T16:27:00.001-04:00

An apt illustration summarizing this post.

Health Care Costs Infographic, Part 2

2011-05-10T17:38:00.001-04:00

Via: Medical Billing And Coding

[Part One]

The Beatles' "Long Long Long"

2011-05-06T17:37:00.004-04:00

My favorite Beatles song is "Long Long Long" off the White Album. It was written by George Harrison. John Lennon doesn't even appear on it.

While the mono version is great, I especially love the S P A C E created by the stereo mix. Such great instrument separation and panoramic positioning. I love how the Beatles often used the studio as a songwriting tool; here, the rattling heard at the end of the song is the result of a wine bottle sitting on a Leslie speaker and getting harmonically excited by notes played by McCartney's Hammond organ.

It's perhaps the most underrated Beatles song, and part of the reason I love it so.

"Long Long Long" (Stereo)

"Long Long Long" (Mono)

BONUS: Low also covered this song to great effect.

Revisiting The Crow Original Soundtrack

2011-04-26T14:58:00.002-04:00

After reading about The Crow remake running into a (hopefully lethal) speed-bump last week, I thought it would be a good time to revisit the soundtrack to the original film.

The Crow came out at a perfect time for me — 1994, the summer after my freshman year of high school. The themes therein of tragic love, tortured existentialism, and righteous-as-fuck vengeance were easily relatable for any awkward 15 year-old like myself.

Plus, the face paint on Brandon Lee's face was totally boss — an instant Halloween classic.

The soundtrack was the cherry on top, for it contained some of my favorite artists at the time. It was a perfect mixture of exclusive tracks, choice b-sides, and obscure covers; the prototypical soundtrack compilation.

Let's listen to it while breaking it down, shall we?

1. The Cure - "Burn" - To this day, the Cure have never performed this song live, and it's a shame because it's one of their best songs from the 90s. Fittingly, the song's intro is a slow burn, which builds up quite nicely to some instrument-generated bird sounds (à la "Free Bird,") which gets me thinking, if "onomatopoeia" defines words that mimic sounds, what's the term for when instruments do the mimicking? I only ask this because Adrian Belew does a great rhino with guitar, and I think that kind of shit deserves a cool multisyllabic term.

2. Machines of Loving Grace - "Golgotha Tenement Blues" - Machines of Loving Grace should have been a bigger deal, instead, bands like Filter, Stabbing Westward and Gravity Kills ripped off their sound and ended up selling millions. Meanwhile, MOLG remains virtually unknown, in no small part due to their acronym being "MOLG." Anyway, this song ain't no "Suicide King" or "Richest Junkie Still Alive," but it's definitely the third-best MOLG song, and that's nothing to sneer at, so quit your sneering, or you'll end up looking like Billy Idol.

3. Stone Temple Pilots - "Big Empty" - As I recall, this song was released on the soundtrack before it even appeared on Stone Temple Pilots' second album, Purple. It's definitely "the hit" on The Crow OST, as it instantly earned heavy rotation on radio and MTV. And like half of STP's songs, it fakes you out at some point, making you think the song is over, but then kicks back in. Those tricksters... it's annoying as hell, but goddam it if it doesn't work every time!

4. Nine Inch Nails - "Dead Souls" - The music of Joy Division played heavily into The Crow comic book, the source material for the film, so the least they could do is be on the soundtrack. Well, the folks at Atlantic apparently couldn't pull that off for some reason, so Trent Reznor stepped in to the rescue with his cover of "Dead Souls." And this was at a time, mind you, that Joy Division wasn't exactly a band everyone was hip to liking. Only art school fags and sad ex-goths copped to owning Unknown Pleasures, so kudos to Reznor for throwing a bone to those two groups of sad misfits. And, of course, for doing the track justice. And yes, I just used the word "fag." I'm edgy.

For reference: Joy Division - "Dead Souls"

5. Rage Against The Machine - "Darkness" - This was a rerecorded version of a B-side called "Darkness of Greed" which originally appeared on the "Killing In The Name" single. In it, Zach de la Rocha somehow posits that rich people gave Africans AIDS because they wanted to kill them off and go there for vacation, which in hindsight, is totally true. Also, during the first part of his solo, Tom Morello makes his guitar sound like R2-D2 being blown by Pac-Man, a feat which also deserves its own onomatopoeia-like term.

6. Violent Femmes - "Color Me Once" - Much like the Cure's "Burn," the Violent Femmes' exclusive track for the soundtrack is probably their best work of the 90s (and beyond.) This is an absolutely killer fucking song. It's nonchalantly sexy. It sashays over to you all slow and sauntering and shit, and then sways its stuff all sexy-like ALL UP in your face. And then you come. You come HARD. Or at least, I do — metaphorically speaking, of course — every time I hear it. In fact, I might need a change of metaphorical skivvies right now. And since you're wondering: they're metaphorical boxer-briefs.

7. Rollins Band - "Ghost Rider" - This song about Marvel's flame-headed motorcycle hero was originally done by NY electro proto-punk pioneers Suicide. Keep in mind once again, this is years before Pitchfork devoted itself to judging all music by how it compares to 1977's Suicide, so it wasn't like they were a household name or anything (and sure, they still aren't, but certainly moreso.) Naturally, the Rollins treatment transforms it into a more muscular number, and it fits that mold quite nicely. As righteous as it is ridiculous.

For reference: Suicide - "Ghostrider"

8. Helmet - "Milktoast" (also known as "Milquetoast") - The first two seconds of this song are the best part, which is risky for a band that might want to keep your attention for another four minutes. But Helmet doesn't need that kind of validation. In fact, they could give a shit if you hang around for the rest of the song. That's why they gave you the best part up front; they don't bury the lead, ever. How do I know all this? I don't, but what else am I gonna write about in this space when this song is completely self-explanatory. It's Helmet, it sounds like a Helmet song.

9. Pantera - "The Badge" - The last cover on The Crow OST is that of hardcore band Poison Idea's anti-cop anthem, "The Badge." Pantera covers it faithfully, even replicating the opening and closing Taxi Driver dialogue and the siren sounds throughout. This song is helpful because I hate cops but sometimes I forget just how much, so listening to it is a great service. "Oh yeah," I usually say while it plays, "I hate pigs! How could I forget? Good thing this song is around to remind me. But still, THERE'S GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY!" And that's how I came up with my PigAlert® idea, a text messaging service that promptly reminds you on the hour, every hour, to fuck tha police coming straight from the underground.

For reference: Poison Idea - "The Badge"

10. For Love Not Lisa - "Slip Slide Melting" - I may be wrong on this, but wasn't For Love Not Lisa a Christian Rock band? How did they get on a movie soundtrack about Pagan symbolism? They must've had a good connection with a higher up... at Atlantic Records. And what's the deal with Christian music? All the best songs about God have already been written, you effing idiots. Give it up already. Oratorios? Cantatas?! All them shits were way better than any dumb Jesus-y love song that you can muster up. What the hell's the point? Oh, avoiding hell IS the point? My bad. But seriously, quit it, you suck.

11. My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult - "After the Flesh" - My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult actually makes a cameo in The Crow, playing themselves and this song in a club scene. The song is a standard Ministry-influenced industrial jaunt, complete with B-movie audio clips. I'm not sure why that's a staple of industrial music, but the exposure's gotta be good for B-movies, right? I mean, I once rented "Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!" just because it's heavily sampled in White Zombie's "Thunder Kiss '65." Speaking of which, why aren't they on this soundtrack?

12. The Jesus And Mary Chain - "Snakedriver" - The Jesus and Mary Chain contributed a track off their own comp EP, "The Sound Of Speed," probably because they were too busy starting a drawn-out process to break up. Either that, or William Reid was just too busy boning Hope Sandoval. Speaking of which, why isn't Mazzy Star on this soundtrack? Oh, right, because they got Medicine instead.

13. Medicine - "Time Baby III" - Medicine also appeared in the film, playing themselves playing this song in a club scene. Their willingness to act is probably how they beat out Mazzy Star for this spot on the soundtrack. Either that, or Hope Sandoval was just too busy boning William Reid.

14. Jane Siberry - "It Can't Rain All the Time" - Jane Siberry is Canadian. That's pretty much the extent of my knowledge of her. But this song is very Kate Bush-like as far as the dramatic intensity and her idiosyncratic vocal stylings. The title is taken from a key line in the film, and it probably inspired the song. But again, I don't know for sure. What am I, a goddam researcher? Am I supposed to call Jane up and ask her? I don't get paid for this shit, you should feel so lucky I know as much as I do about this goddam soundtrack that came out 17 motherfucking years ago. You were probably still busy shitting yourself back then. Now, get off my lawn...

He Was Perfect. He. Was. Perfect.

2011-04-22T13:13:00.000-04:00

Health Care Costs Infographic

2011-04-21T13:28:00.000-04:00

[Via Medical Billing And Coding]

Emo Cow Needs You To Trim Its Asymmetrical Bangs

2011-04-19T17:23:00.000-04:00

I gotta say, this has to be the most attractive cow I've ever seen. I'm kinda turned on right now. I've been a casual vegetarian for years, and it finally makes sense — how can you slaughter something this hot?!

Here's more Emo Animals, if you're so inclined (and who isn't?)

The BAZOOKALUCA PODCAST: Episode 6

2011-04-19T03:54:00.002-04:00

On the sixth episode, Luca has two conversations, one with comedian Shalewa Sharpe and another with a robot. That's right, a robot.

For more on Shalewa Sharpe, check out her Tumblr.

And this!

Subscribe on iTunes! Please rate and comment. Thanks for listening!

Emo Llama Needs To Borrow Your Flat Iron For The My Chemical Romance Concert

2011-04-14T12:00:00.000-04:00

See Also: Emo Bunny

The Plight Of The Malformed Video IDs

2011-04-13T12:16:00.003-04:00

This error message just started popping up on YouTube. I'm not sure what it means, but I can only guess that a malformed video ID in the URL probably looks a lot like a CAPTCHA:

A Handbag Meets Its Match

2011-04-08T14:53:00.000-04:00

This clip of Edith Evans from 1952's The Importance of Being Earnest is the epitomy of over-the-top delivery of a line, making it my favorite out-of-context, absurdist YouTube clip of all time. I've probably watched it a hundred times, and it still makes me laugh out loud every time.

So, imagine my delight today when I saw this clip of Charlotte Greenwood "answering the cat", from a yet-unidentified film.

THAT. JUST. HAPPENED.

Music Video Cliché Theatre, Volume VI: Through The Fisheye

2011-04-06T14:00:00.000-04:00

Beastie Boys - "Shake Your Rump"

Busta Rhymes - "Gimme Some More"

Bush - "Comedown"

Guns N Roses - "Garden Of Eden"

Field Music - "Them That Do Nothing"

Puff Daddy - "It's All About The Benjamins"

School Of Seven Bells - "My Cabal"

Missy Elliot - "The Rain [Supa Dupa Fly]"

See Also:
Volume I: Musical Guest On Television Show
Volume II: In A White Room
Volume III: One Day In The Life
Volume IV: Walking Down The Street
Volume V: Dancing With Myself

Eric Clapton Seems Like Fun

2011-04-04T10:46:00.000-04:00

Let's be real, Eric Clapton is NOT God. Never was, either. But this picture of him and organist Dick Simms makes me think he was at least fun to hang out with while high on cocaine.

[This Is Not Porn]

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW With (NaTIVe) STaBLeS

2011-04-01T15:04:00.000-04:00

As mentioned earlier, acclaimed |mangerscene| innovators (NATIV&) STABL&S will release t r ou g h, their first mixtaEP, exclusively through BAZOOKALUCA RECORDS this spring.

I recently scored an exclusive interview with the duo, .ΔSH. and [ΔME†HYS†].

BAZOOKALUCA: Your EP is the inaugural release for the BAZOOKALUCA RECORDS imprint. Are you comfortable leading the way for this new, and possibly risky, venture?

.ΔSH.: First of all, it's not an EP, it's a mixtaEP. There's a huge difference.

[ΔME†HYS†]: Yes, we don't want people to misinterpret anything we do as conventional or bourgeois; as a commercial release of an "EP" would violently imply. We've created our own reality, on our own terms; it's not an "EP"—it's a mixtaEP—a short-form, cross-genre, cross-promotional instrument for manufacturing hype, of which we're certain about its success, no matter in which avenue it's initially distributed.

BAZOOKALUCA: Oh, excuse me, my bad. Your mixtaEP, Trough, is hard to nail down as a specific genre piece, it's quite eclectic.

.ΔSH.: You're spelling the title wrong.

BAZOOKALUCA: What do you mean by "spelling," I just said it out loud.

.ΔSH.: Yeah, but I can tell you're gonna spell it wrong in your piece just by the way you're saying it with the wrong inflection.

BAZOOKALUCA: What do you mean? How is my inflection wrong?

[ΔME†HYS†]: The title appears on the cover as it does for a specific reason. It's spelled t r ou g h, and it should be pronounced that way. Lower-case, and with ten spaces between the letters in a 3-2-3-2 pattern. The pattern is important, very important. It's paramount. It's the key to our whole overlying message.

BAZOOKALUCA: Which is...?

[ΔME†HYS†]: Our message will reveal itself. Quite clearly. In time.

.ΔSH.: Yes. Quite clearly.

[ΔME†HYS†]: In time.

BAZOOKALUCA: So, you're saying there is a finite conceptual aspect to (NATIV&) STABL&S. Is that why you rely heavily on typography and a specific visual aesthetic? It's not merely a "band" per se, but some sort of abstract art project?

.ΔSH.: Not art. We're avant-art at this point. We're doing something that's never been done before. It's so innovative that neural pathways for understanding it haven't been established yet. It's post-neural, as far as human brains at this time are concerned.

[ΔME†HYS†]: Yeah, we've estimated that the evolution of the human brain won't catch up with what we're doing until at least the 24th Century.

.ΔSH.: If not later.

[ΔME†HYS†]: Yeah, our estimates have a margin of error of a couple of decades or so, so it might be even later than that.

.ΔSH.: Probably later.

BAZOOKALUCA: Right. So, do you think the lack of neural understanding at this time will hurt the initial impact and reach of your music... or conceptual project... or message... or whatever?

.ΔSH.: No.

[ΔME†HYS†]: No.

BAZOOKALUCA: Hmm, it seems like it would. At least by the explanation you just put forth...

[ΔME†HYS†]: No.

.ΔSH.: No.

BAZOOKALUCA: ...

[ΔME†HYS†] and .ΔSH. (in unison): NO.

BAZOOKALUCA: All right, well, moving right along. Talk a bit about the genre you've pioneered, |mangerscene|.

.ΔSH.: Thank you for saying that right.

BAZOOKALUCA: How did I say |mangerscene| right?

.ΔSH.: With the vertical bars on each end.

BAZOOKALUCA: I did?

.ΔSH.: Yeah, I heard it.

[ΔME†HYS†]: I heard it too.

BAZOOKALUCA: Oh. Thanks?

.ΔSH.: You're welcome.

[ΔME†HYS†]: Yeah, so, |mangerscene| is not so much a genre as it is the genre.It's all-encompassing. The manger is powerful religious imagery, it was where Jesus was placed after being birthed immaculately—the nativity scene. And so we took that imagery and applied it to our scene. Jesus is God The Son Incarnate, and (NATIV&) STABL&S is just another manifestation of that.

BAZOOKALUCA: Wow, some might have a problem with that. Do you think you have a God complex?

.ΔSH.: I like to think of it as a "God simplex," if you know what I'm saying.

BAZOOKALUCA: I'm afraid I don't...

[ΔME†HYS†]: Exactly.You should be afraid.

.ΔSH.: Because you're not developed enough in your neural...

BAZOOKALUCA: MY NEURAL PATHWAYS! YEAH YEAH, GOT IT. So is there anything else we didn't cover that you'd like to share. Something we, mere mortals are developed enough to understand at this time?

[ΔME†HYS†]: We have some t-shirts coming out concurrently with the mixtaEP that are pretty rad. Three different designs.

.ΔSH.: Yeah, and some (NATIV&) STABL&S-branded beer cozies that are totally rad.

[ΔME†HYS†]: Totally.

(NATIV&) STABL&S, t r ou g h will be released sometime this spring via BAZOOKALUCA RECORDS, however, you might not understand it until sometime in the 24th Century (+/- a couple of decades or so.)

EXCLUSIVE: (NaTIVe) STaBLeS - "t r ou g h"

2011-03-30T14:07:00.000-04:00

Here is your first look at t r ou g h, the first mixtaEP from acclaimed |mangerscene| innovators (NATIV&) STABL&S.

Stay tuned in the weeks ahead to learn more about the mystery and sensation surrounding this avant-garde conceptual band.

Music Video Cliché Theatre, Volume V: Dancing With Myself

2011-03-28T14:01:00.000-04:00

Radiohead - "Lotus Flower"

Fatboy Slim - "Weapon of Choice"

Jamiroquai - "Virtual Insanity"

Mýa - "My Love Is Like...Wo"

PJ Harvey - "Who The Fuck"

Shakira - "Whenever, Wherever"

Tom Waits - "It's All Right With Me"

Ciara - "Ride"

Bjork - "Big Time Sensuality"

See Also:
Volume I: Musical Guest On Television Show
Volume II: In A White Room
Volume III: One Day In The Life
Volume IV: Walking Down The Street

If Being Inspired By Miles Davis Is Cool, Consider The Jesus Lizard

2011-03-22T18:15:00.002-04:00

Last night I crafted a mind-melting noise-rock playlist that I wish I could easily share with you, but I can't, or won't, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

It's basically got a bunch of great stuff on it by bands such as Shellac, Unwound, Shipping News, Future of the Left, Sonic Youth, Unsane, Brainiac, the Pixies, Mclusky, Girls Against Boys, and several others.

Of course, no noise-rock playlist would be complete without The Jesus Lizard, and while I opted to go with "Mouth Breather" for my mix, I was reminded last night of the unlikely inspiration behind the song "Then Comes Dudley" off of their 1991 album Goat.

Apparently, and I'm not sure if Duane Denison and the boys ever honed up to it or not, that song shares many similarities with a Miles Davis number called "Great Expectations," which was first recorded as early as 1969 and appears on the 1974 album Big Fun.

Here is the short version from the The Complete Bitches Brew Sessions.

Miles Davis - "Great Expectations"

And here, for comparison, is "Then Comes Dudley" as it appears on Goat (apparently not the remastered version, though:)

The Jesus Lizard - "Then Comes Dudley"

Pretty similar, huh? Once again, I'm not certain if I had read about this in an article about the The Jesus Lizard, so it might be that the similarities are completely intentional and that "Then Comes Dudley" was openly inspired by Miles Davis. I'm certainly not trying to point out an instance of misappropriation here.

It's just an unusual curiosity worth sharing, that's all...

The BAZOOKALUCA PODCAST: Episode 5

2011-03-17T19:22:00.000-04:00

On the fifth episode, Luca talks Italian politics with his parents, he shares his love for short songs, and then a short curmudgeon named Adrienne commits her second "Random Act of Hatred."

Please rate and comment on iTunes. Thanks for listening!

Emo Bookshelf Needs A Boost

2011-03-10T16:46:00.000-05:00

WANT.

[Make]

Great Moments In Photoshop

2011-03-07T12:02:00.001-05:00

[Daniel Polevoy]

The BAZOOKALUCA PODCAST: Episode 4

2011-02-28T00:49:00.002-05:00

On the fourth episode, Luca spins some new music releases, thinks you should own Chris Whitley's Din Of Ecstasy, and tells Bill O'Reilly to find himself another country to be part of.

Please rate and comment on iTunes. Thanks for listening!

Secret Identities Of The Stars, A BAZOOKALUCA Investigative Report

2011-02-23T13:59:00.001-05:00

British author Sax Rohmer wrote crime fiction novels during the early 20th Century about criminal evil genius (and walking Asian stereotype) Dr. Fu Manchu. Read his description of the character:

Imagine a person, tall, lean and feline, high-shouldered, with a brow like Shakespeare and a face like Satan, ... one giant intellect, with all the resources of science past and present ... Imagine that awful being, and you have a mental picture of Dr. Fu-Manchu.

–Sax Rohmer, The Mystery of Dr. Fu Manchu

Does this remind you of someone, by chance?

I'm onto you, Mr. White, your transformation is not going unnoticed.

Music Video Cliché Theatre, Volume IV: Walking Down The Street

2011-02-22T13:16:00.000-05:00

Beck - "Devil's Haircut"

Wax - "California"

Bruce Springsteen - "Streets Of Philadelphia"

The Verve - "Bittersweet Symphony"

Unkle - "Rabbit In Your Headlights"

Matt And Kim - "Lessons Learned"

Erykah Badu - "Window Seat"

Badly Drawn Boy - "Dissilusion"

See Also:
Volume I: Musical Guest On Television Show
Volume II: In A White Room
Volume III: One Day In The Life

Judgment Day Is Sooner Than You Thought, Says MySpace Ad

2011-02-21T14:39:00.002-05:00

Came upon this ad today, on a Myspace page, of course (Shut up, my job makes me go to there.)

Christians, man, always trying to capitalize on others' bread and butter. It wasn't enough that the Mayans were slaughtered and subjugated in the name of Christ, now you gotta steal their doomsday thunder too?!

Low blow...

The Family Radio site is worth checking out though. There's articles titled "We are Almost There!," "I Hope God Will Save Me," and "Gay Pride: Sign of the End." There's also one titled "Another Infallible Proof" which (SPOILER ALERT) is actually extremely fallible.

Turns out that repenting and praying for your soul might help, so if you're so inclined, get to kneeling.

Meanwhile...

Music Video Cliché Theatre, Volume III: One Day In The Life

2011-02-21T09:56:00.000-05:00

Dr. Dre and Snoop Doggy Dogg - "Nuthin' But A 'G' Thang"

Britney Spears - "Womanizer"

Ludacris - "Saturday (Oooh! Ooooh!)"

Bjork - "I Miss You"

Ice Cube - "It Was A Good Day"

Radiohead - "Paranoid Android"

Ke$ha - "TiK ToK"

Katy Perry - "Teenage Dream"

Outkast - "So Fresh So Clean"

See Also:
Volume I: Musical Guest On Television Show
Volume II: In A White Room

Great Moments In Hipster History: Kurt Cobain

2011-02-10T10:17:00.004-05:00

The Kurt Cobain whisper, "This is off our first record, most people don't own it" before the band launches into "About A Girl" on their MTV Unplugged might be my favorite hipster history moment.

I'd say more about it, but you probably wouldn't understand.

Bad Time For Bonzo: A Ronald Reagan Memorial On His 100th

2011-02-06T16:39:00.002-05:00

It's Ronald Reagan's 100th birthday today, and while most conservatives are busy revising history and speaking in fetishistic abstractions, instead I thought I'd give The Gipper the tribute he deserves, an anthology of protest songs written about his bumbling and illicit presidency.

It seems that no president has had more protest songs than Reagan, and justly so, the laundry list of infractions during his presidency was ample outrage fodder (i.e., just Google "Ronald Reagan+" Iran-Contra, Libya, Lebanon, Grenada, El Salvador, Guatemala, Nicaragua, Osama Bin Laden, the Mujahideen, Saddam Hussein, Gaddafi, Khmer Rouge, Pol Pot, PATCO, Bitburg, Star Wars, the War On Drugs, crack epidemic, Trickle-Down, Reagonomics, taxes, Wall Street deregulation, Fairness Doctrine, homelessness, AIDS epidemic, Social Security, etc.)

It could also be argued that Ronald Reagan was perhaps the biggest influence on punk rock and hardcore in the 80s as nearly every band in the land had at least one song, if not whole albums, dedicated to berating him.

What I've culled here is just the tip of the iceberg, so I encourage you to post any omissions to the comments section.

Enjoy:

Wonky? You can also listen to it here.

Bonus Genesis Muppet Video:

A Simple Pass/Fail Test To Evaluate Substance Over Loyalty

2011-01-28T13:51:00.004-05:00

I read this article by Robin Hanson a while back that lists signs that "your opinions function more to signal loyalty... than to estimate truth" and I forgot to share it until now.

It's a simple, but effective, pass/fail test you can apply to commentators in order to gauge substantive perspective. If nothing else, it's a good indicator of when to apply the proverbial grain of salt when someone opens their mouth.

You find it hard to be enthusiastic for something until you know that others oppose it.
You have little interest in getting clear on what exactly is the position being argued.
Realizing that a topic is important and neglected doesn’t make you much interested.
You have little interest in digging to bigger topics behind commonly argued topics.
You are less interested in a topic when you don’t foresee being able to talk about it.
You are uncomfortable taking a position near the middle of the opinion distribution.
You are uncomfortable taking a position of high uncertainty about who is right.
You care far more about current nearby events than similar distant or past/future events.
You find it easy to conclude that those who disagree with you are insincere or stupid.
You are reluctant to change your publicly stated positions in response to new info.
You are reluctant to agree a rival’s claim, even if you had no prior opinion on the topic.
You are reluctant to take a position that raises the status of rivals.
You care more about consistency between your beliefs than about belief accuracy.
You go easy on sloppy arguments by folks on “your side.”
You have little interest in practical concrete implications of commonly argued topics.
Your opinion doesn’t much change after talking with smart folks who know more.
You are especially eager to drop names when explaining positions and arguments.
You find it hard to list weak points and counter-arguments on your positions.
You feel passionately about a topic, but haven’t sought out much evidence.
You are reluctant to not have an opinion on commonly discussed topics.

It's telling, and frankly, sad, that few cable news commentators pass this test. Especially when I can't think of any on Fox News, save maybe Shep Smith, and his is more a calculated way to distinguish himself, rather than a pure display of integrity. Also, it's unfortunate that nearly all of the people guilty of being loyalists lack the self-awareness to recognize themselves as such.

[Overcoming Bias]

My Undivided Attention Right Now Belongs To PJ Harvey's Rid Of Me

2011-01-23T17:50:00.000-05:00

Rid Of Me on Amazon

My Undivided Attention Right Now Belongs To The Minutemen's Double Nickels On The Dime

2011-01-21T18:02:00.000-05:00

Double Nickels On The Dime on Amazon

My Undivided Attention Right Now Belongs To The Dismenberment Plan's Emergency & I

2011-01-21T17:10:00.000-05:00

Emergency & I on Amazon

And in case you missed 'em on Fallon, here are the links: What Do You Want To Say & The City

Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie Black Flag Memes

2011-01-21T14:32:00.003-05:00

[via Boing Boing]

The BAZOOKALUCA PODCAST: Episode 3

2011-01-19T01:50:00.000-05:00

On the third episode, Luca and Cristina talk about their listening habits, Luca performs a "Stunt Critique" of the Decemberists new album, The King Is Dead, and Adrienne commits her first "Random Act of Hatred."

Please rate and comment on iTunes. Thanks for listening!

Follow BAZOOKALUCA On Facebook

2011-01-13T16:19:00.001-05:00

If you haven't already, please "Like" BAZOOKALUCA on Facebook.

If you can get five friends to do it, I will congratulate you by erecting a statue in your honor, viewable from heaven* on prime real estate.

*Statue erection not applicable until author's death and contingent on Heaven's actual existence.

Obligatory Christina Hendricks Playboy Pictures Post

2011-01-13T16:02:00.001-05:00

These 1999 pictures of Christina Hendricks from a Playboy photo shoot have been circulating all day, and I am legally contracted to repost them. I am nothing if not law-abiding.

Musings On Boardwalk Empire

2011-01-10T04:03:00.008-05:00

I'm nine episodes into Boardwalk Empire, having watched eight episodes in the last two days alone. Yes, I know, I'm a little behind, but I like to take my time with things that seem worth it. Just ask your mother... she knows.

Anyway, I like the show a lot and here are my favorite characters so far:

Michael Shannon really shines as Agent Nelson Van Alden; his character is quite compelling. He also gets points for being the weirdest looking guy on a television show that also stars Steve Buscemi—no small feat, for sure. He also looks a whole lot like the Bond villain Jaws. If they ever remake Moonraker, Shannon has that shit on lock.

Steve Friggin' Buscemi is crime boss Nucky Thompson. I've already expressed my feelings about the man (he's the best!) so it would be redundant to re-sing his praises. But really, His praises should be sung at any feasible opportunity.

♫ ...Praaaise thee Busceeemi... ♫

I was worried about those minor characters from The Sopranos not having jobs after the series ended, but a whole bunch of 'em (I've counted 5) have found employment, probably due to Boardwalk creator Terence Winter, who had a tiny role as Writer/Producer/Director on that other landmark show set in Jersey. Boy, it's really who you know these days, am I right?

Paz de la Huerta sure likes getting naked a lot. In fact, I don't think she's ever done a photo shoot where she didn't at least get topless. She's to all of her clothes what Matthew McConaughey is to his shirts. That reference seems kinda dated, so I'll distract you with more links of Paz where she's naked. Prohibition nudity! [links NSFW, duh]

Michael Pitt is Jimmy Darmody, an ambitious gangster and WWI vet, but really he's just playing the part of Arcade Fire's Win Butler, whose Dust Bowl wardrobe is finally put into perspective. Pitt is really stacking up rock star roles, first pseudo-Cobain, now Butler... what's next? I think he's a shoe-in for the Kings of Leon dude. They all have a thing for suspenders.

Anyway, Boardwalk Empire is an awesome show, and I can't wait to finish the first season (probably by tomorrow.SNOW DAY!)

My Undivided Attention Right Now Belongs To Tom Wait's Rain Dogs

2011-01-09T17:15:00.000-05:00

Rain Dogs on Amazon

My Undivided Attention Right Now Belongs To Grizzly Bear's Veckatimest

2011-01-08T16:32:00.001-05:00

Veckatimest on Amazon

My Undivided Attention Right Now Belongs To Headphone's Headphones

2011-01-08T15:47:00.004-05:00

Headphones on Amazon

My Undivided Attention Right Now Belongs To Grinderman's Grinderman

2011-01-07T18:40:00.013-05:00

When I worked at a record store years ago, I had 40 hours a week to listen to whatever I wanted. It was great—I could devote oodles of time to entire albums so they really had a chance to grow on me. And when something excited me, I could play it twice a day for two weeks straight, until it became as familiar as a friend's voice.

It was then I got the bulk of my music education. Some of my favorite albums of all time are married to that time period.

My current lifestyle, however, doesn't afford me the time to listen to a lot of albums from beginning to end. Instead, I get short bursts—a few songs while I get ready in the morning, some in the car, some on the train, a few at work, and then the cycle reverses. As a result, singles have taken over the bulk of my attention span.

I don't like this development.

So, in an effort to get back to enjoying my albums as they were intended, I'm gonna start devoting more time to listen to them from beginning to end. A resolution, for 2011, perhaps? I have no idea...

What I do know is that it might be fun to share which albums are part of my rehabilitation process, so here we are.

Right now, I'm listening to Grinderman's self-titled debut from 2006 and it's glorious.

Grinderman on Amazon

I'll post more on the Undivided Attention hashtag as I go along. It wouldn't hurt you to try this too.

Heavy Metal Penguin

2011-01-04T15:25:00.001-05:00

More Heavy Metal Animals.

Chimp Photographer Assures You These Will Be Tasteful Nude Shots

2011-01-03T20:52:00.008-05:00

[Vintage Gal via BoingBoing]

Album Cover Cliché Gallery: Lend A Hand

2011-01-03T11:53:00.003-05:00

Best enjoyed while listening to "Hold My Hand" by The Rutles.

Starring:
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - It's Blitz!
Paul McCartney - Wingspan: Hits And History
System of a Down - System of a Down
Stars - Set Yourself On Fire
Slayer - Christ Illusion (Special Edition)
The Replacements - Pleased To Meet Me
Pearl Jam - Ten
One Day As A Lion - One Day As A Lion
Melt Banana - Teeny Shiny
Godspeed You! Black Emperor - Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas To Heaven
Liars - Fins To Make Us More Fish-Like
The Helio Sequence - Keep Your Eyes Ahead
The Antlers - Hospice
The Good Life - Lovers Need Lawyers
Desert Sessions - Desert Session #10: I Heart Disco
Dead Can Dance - Into The Labyrinth
Converge - You Fail Me
Commander Venus - Commander Venus/Drip Split 7"

You might also enjoy: Album Cover Cliché Gallery: Lay Down Your Arms

My First Indie Short Film, For Your Consideration

2010-12-28T08:09:00.006-05:00

I got a new iPhone app called 8mm Vintage Camera and thought I'd try it out on my way home from work. Shot this little short film, edited it, and soundtracked it all in under 2 hours at a cost of $2. Ain't technology great?

[8mm Vintage Camera]

Five Whiny Emo Anthems I Actually Enjoy

2010-12-21T17:10:00.001-05:00

Unless you somehow find yourself within the confines of a Hot Topic, early aughts' aggressive-yet-wussy emo bands are pretty much universally mocked. And rightfully so, most of the time. The semi-goth fashion, the school-age dramatics, the farcical posturing—it's all very laughable, just like adolescence itself.

But what if under all that pretense (and mascara) there's actually a good song dwelling beneath?

Well then, I say you should drop the too-cool-for-school attitude and acknowledge the fact that a good song is a good song is a good song. Give the kids a break, will you? They've been through so much already...

Having said that, some love for shrill screams, dear diary poetry, meat-head guitar riffs, and huge choruses definitely helps here, it's not for the uninclined.

My Chemical Romance - "Helena"
THAT CHORUS?! IT'S HUUUGE!

AFI - "The Leaving Song Pt.II"

Thursday - "Cross Out The Eyes"
THE BRIDGE IS KINDA METAL, RIGHT?

The Used - "Buried Myself Alive"

Dashboard Confessional - "This Bitter Pill"
WHEN HIS VOICE BREAKS?! C'MON!

BONUS: This list was basically an excuse to trot out Emo Bunny once again.

Album Cover Cliché Gallery: Lay Down Your Arms

2010-12-20T15:52:00.001-05:00

Best enjoyed while listening to "Soldier of Love" by Arthur Alexander.

Starring:
Spoon - Kill The Moonlight
Low - Trust
Afghan Whigs - Up Next
The Hold Steady - Heaven Is Whenever
Spiritualized - Amazing Grace
Fugazi - The Argument
Pissed Jeans - King Of Jeans
DeVotchka - A Mad And Faithful Telling

Your Winter Solstice Lunar Eclipse Party Mix

2010-12-20T12:21:00.003-05:00

Kick this playlist on after 1AM EST tonight and you'll be sure to have a great party welcoming in the Dark Lord to our world. Devil horns!

[NASA]

Barzum Fans Rejoice!

2010-12-17T14:00:00.002-05:00

Now you can burn the Fantoft stave church from the comfort of your home!

[Epla]

The BAZOOKALUCA PODCAST: Episode 2

2010-12-14T06:28:00.003-05:00

In the second episode, Luca and Julia (Fear of Arthropods) talk about the best albums of 2010.

Thanks for listening!